Noah Says - Vol. Two

• Leading up to Christmas, Noah would ask if he could get, "...just ONE toy, pleeeeease?" a lot. So, Brandon and I told him he had to wait to see what Santa brought him. Once again, we're at the store and the same question about a toy is asked. I tell him he has to wait to see what Santa brings. He then proceeds to out smart me by saying: 

"Well, just call Santa and tell him not to come. Then you could get me a toy right now." 


• We were talking about age and he says: 

"When am I going to turn five? Because it's taking a very long time to turn me five." 


• As Noah is putting on a hodge-podge super hero costume: 

"Is it summer yet? Because I really need to go fight crime, but I can't in the winter. It's too cold and the bad guys just stay inside." 


• Noah just learned the story of the Three Little Pigs and asked: 

"Is our house made of bricks?" 

"Yep, it sure is." 

"Oh, good. Now I'm not so worried about the big, bad wolf huffing and puffing our house down." 

He now points out all the brick houses in Salt Lake, which is basically every house. 


• We were playing in Noah's room and he looks over and offers me a snack. I assumed he meant a pretend snack from his play kitchen and tell him I'd love a snack. He says: 

"Ok. What do you want?" 

He then proceeds to pull out fruit leathers, trail mix and granola bars that he had stuffed in his pillow case.

 "So, you can only pick one. I'm saving the rest for when I need a snack, when I don't want my dinner."


• Noah was scrolling through some texts on my phone: 

"Wow, there's a lot of details in here." 



• I asked Noah to put his "Michael Jordan" shoes (they're just tennis shoes) on. He says: 

"Yeah, I'll do that for you. Cause then people will see me and say 'What a cool Michael Jordan kid'." 

The Beginning

I have a piano, Ben. My dad gave it to me about six years ago. And out of those six years, it's spent about four of them in a storage unit (not because I wanted it to). And let me say that it's been a long four years without it. This isn't just any old piano, it's PURE magic. Not only does it have the most beautiful sound, but it stayed perfectly in tune while it was in storage. My dad has composed nearly all of his music on this piano. And I've done the same. Every other piano I play pales in comparison.

 Ben and I - Christmas 1984

Ben and I - Christmas 1984

Ben has an interesting history. Years ago my dad actually sold him to pay for his college tuition. You can read more about Ben and his history HERE and HERE.

We moved into our new home in September and I sang a hallelujah when the movers rolled that piano into my parlor. We finally had room for it. Between unpacking, commuting up North for school three days a week and adjusting to my new career as a full time mom,  let's just say making music hasn't really happened...

In fact, I haven't written anything in over EIGHT YEARS. Almost a decade. As I'm writing these words, it's blowing my mind. How on Gods green earth have I gone this long without music flowing from my finger tips? When I do play, it's one of three songs I wrote EIGHT YEARS AGO.  

Brandon always jokes,

"Hey, I've never heard that one before!"

You're sooooooo funny, Bran.


Let's be real for a sec...

I feel like me not finding time to play since we've moved is an excuse... Honestly, I'm intimidated. It's been so long. I've been through so much in eight years. Taking all the emotions and experiences from nearly a decade and trying to figure out how to express that through music is daunting. I have this standard in my mind and if I don't meet it, I fail. It all might sound stupid, because I'm writing and playing all for myself, so it shouldn't matter... But, to me, it does. How in the hell do you express that moment when you say "I do" to the love of your life? Or that moment you find out you're becoming parents for the first or second time? Or that moment when you meet your children? Not to mention all the other moments in between? 

I can't read music. I used to be able to play by ear much better than I do now...

The only thing I'm able to do is play what I feel. And if I can't even do that, then what? 


Today I woke up, tired and on the tail end of a week full of congestion, interrupted sleep and Doctor visits. Nothing special, nothing magical. We came home from a quick trip out of the house (since we've been cooped up all week) and lazily waltz around the living room in our comfies. The boys were playing, Brandon was reading and I sat down at the piano.


And there was this moment.


Life was simple and beautiful and I realized this is everything I've ever hoped for. And I'm just really happy.  



And I played.  



Noah Says - Vol. One

I've decided to make a collective post of things Noah says to me that are too funny or sweet that I want to always remember. 

I actually blog from my phone, so jumping on my phone to add to the list is a piece of cake and an easy way for me to keep the list going. And I know if I write it in a book somewhere, I'll lose it. Because I'm horrible at remembering where I put things... Ask my husband if you don't believe me.


• Noah walks up to me with a fruit snack in hand: 

"Can you open this please? Then I need you to close your eyes." 

"Why do I need to close my eyes?" 

"Because you said I couldn't have any treats, so I'm sneaking one." 


 • Noah came walking around the corner with my tea in his hands:

"Hey mom, I got your tea for you. Did you know that I LOVE tea? Did you want me to drink it for you? I'm a good helper with tea drinking." 


• I was looking at my phone and Noah walks to up to me and lifts my chin with his hand: 

"I love you. I love you to infinity and beyond!" 


• He asks if he can watch: 

"Sleeping Booty." 


• He dressed up as Superman and said: 

"Watch out, I got laser beans I can shoot you wif." 


• As we were playing on the floor with Cohen: 

"Mom? Where is Cohen from?"

"Hmmm. I don't know, where do you think?" 

"Probably Target. They have some really great things there." 


• This one actually happened right after we moved back to Salt Lake. We were at the SLC library and I was asking the librarian a question, Noah chimes in: 

"Hi, I'm Noah." 

"Hi Noah. You just moved here? Where did you move from?" 

"New York City." 

"Oh, wow! That's far away!" 

"Yep. And there's lots of apples and taxi's. And I always yell 'TAXI, TAXI!' " 

(as he pretends to hail a cab) 

I then clarified we had just moved from Centerville.


Ok, these next ones are a bit risqué. Please don't judge my parenting. Thanks! 


• Noah was watching Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtles with Brandon: 

"Dad, do the ninja turtles pee? Cause I didn't see their wieners, so I wasn't sure." 


• I was combing Noah's hair one morning and he wouldn't sit still, so I asked him to focus on the words on my shirt... Which were across my chest:

"So, you want me to look at your boobs?! Well, I don't like your boobs. They make me mad." 

The Little Things - Vol. Three

- The mid-day light that comes pouring through our windows, filling the rooms. It's beautiful and still takes my breath away

- Friends that are always happy to hangout at odd hours/not always the most exciting settings due to naps or any other circumstances from having small children

- The way Noah's face lights up over anything Christmas related. I'm constantly on the verge of tears watching the joy in his sweet face

- How Brandon gets the boys laughing uncontrollably. There's no sound sweeter

- Being able to stay home and spend time with my boys. It's been an interesting transition going from full time work/daycare to home all day with each other, but I couldn't be happier

- The way Cohen sucks his thumb and rests his head on my shoulder


- When we get the kids in bed and (I) sneak a giant bowl of ice cream and watch Netflix in our pj's  

- I secretly love Brandon's REALLY bad and majorly inappropriate jokes

- When Noah sings songs to Cohen

- The way Cohen twirls the strings of my hoodie up in his fingers and sucks his thumb while they're still in his fingers


This past year has had more ups and downs for our little family than we've had in a really long time. It's been a year of learning and growing and figuring out how to let go and moving on.  


And I'm grateful for all of it. 

What I Learned From My Three Year Old

Parents do a lot of teaching, reiterating, clarifying and reinforcing. About manners, about how things work, about life in general...

I would say most days are filled with approximately 323 "Why mom?" 's or "How?" 's.

One day I asked Noah if we could take a break from asking questions, he said:

"Yeah, we could do that. But I just ask lots of questions cause my brain doesn't know a lot. And I want to know a lot so I know every-fing." 

I melted.

He's so sweet and innocent and curious and has the entire world at his fingertips with so much to learn.

Recently, we spent some time with some people that are near and dear to our hearts. Those people also happen to be gay.  We spent a few consecutive days with these people and I watched Noah give hugs and kisses unknowing of what our nation has been fighting the last handful of years in regards to unions between gay couples. Unknowing of some of the extremely hateful things people say about gay couples. Unknowing of how some choose to blatantly/publicly hurt/belittle/ostracize gay people.


I watched my son, who once told me, 

" brain doesn't know a lot..."

teach me one of the most important lessons in life:

U N C O N D I T I O N A L   L O V E

This all might sound cliché to some, but it really opened my eyes. I'm not perfect and there have been times that I have judged others for their choices and lifestyles, gay or not. But to see Noah show and vocalize love and appreciation to these people without a second thought made me think about a few things. 

We are all flawed human beings. You can sit and argue the rest of your life about whether or not being gay is a choice. You can sit and argue about which is the true church. You can sit and argue about political parties, parenting, social issues... etc. Some people may hear and consider your perspective/opinion/statistics and others may tell you to go pound sand. 

(Which I assume people may do with this journal entry - the beauty of the First Amendment) 

The point I'm trying to make is, my sweet little boy taught me more about love, in a matter of three days, than I've learned over 31.8 years of my life.

What if we all saw each other, only the best parts of each other, all the time? What if we STOPPED LOOKING for reasons to dislike people and looked for reasons to like instead?  

Obviously the world would be different. Obviously this will never happen. Obviously there is opposition in all things.   

I don't want this to turn into an entry about why you should or shouldn't support gay couples. What I want to say is: look closely at the people in your life - your friends, your family. Do you love them? I'm sure your answer was yes. But think about that question again: 


Do you love them the same amount regardless of whether or not they went to church on Sunday? 

Do you love them whether or not they are gay?

Do you love them even if your political views don't align? 

Do you love them even though they disagree with your stance on any given social issue(s)? 

Do you love them even though they fill their mug with coffee instead of cocoa? 

Now, go beyond that.  

Do you still treat that friend/family member the same as you treat other friends/family members that you may not have these issues with?  

Do you say to yourself-

"Our relationship could/would be better if so-and-so would just (fill in the blank with underlining issue here)." 

Because that, my friends, is EXACTLY what I'm talking about.  

That is what Noah DIDN'T do. Noah loved, played, conversed and showed affection without that thought even entering his mind.

Noah TRULY showed unconditional love. 


So, let's come back down to planet earth for a second. Life happens. People say/do hurtful things, people disagree, people do things you find offensive...


But, that doesn't mean we can't try. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try. That doesn't mean true unconditional love isn't possible.

All I am sure of is that I walked away from watching my son and decided I need to make some changes.  

I want to know and show that I am capable of expressing unconditional love in its truest form to people in my life. 

I've already lightly touched on this subject in THIS post, but I want to be the person who's able to:

"...keep what is worth keeping, and then, with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." 


A Thank You

On being a parent:

"...It is hard. Very, very hard. And in reflection, it was the very best part of my younger life. I learned so much and how to really love. How to keep commitments. How to help us survive and flourish. And I'm ALWAYS here for you. Always. I love you so much."


That was a message I got from my dad one day. Through all that life has thrown at us, we've always had a way of connecting. Sometimes with words. Sometimes with music. Sometimes without a sound. 

 circa 1990

circa 1990

And to my dad, I just want to say thanks for always answering the phone and never giving up on me.