Remember when you were in high school math class and you were like, "When in the world am I ever going to use this equation in real life?"
I'm using those equations NOW. Well, I will be soon enough when I'm trying to help Noah with his homework.
The other day, Noah asked me a question as we were driving. I didn't know the answer.
"Mom, just tell me."
"Buddy, I just don't know."
"But Mom, please just tell me."
"Bud, I don't know the answer to everything all the time."
**Don't tell Brandon I just admitted to that. Thanks.**
He wasn't convinced. He thought I was withholding the answer, because up to that point I've been able to give him reasonable (to a toddler) answers to his questions.... Or at least sound convincing.
In that moment I realized it's beginning. This is the part of parenting that I've been most terrified for.
You may be saying - but, you've been teaching him things the last three years. And you're right. But this is the part when it gets real. He's old enough to begin to really comprehend certain things and just a quick answer out of my magical mommy hat isn't going to cut it anymore. He wants to know REAL answers and he's smart enough to call my BS when I give him fake ones. Now I have to decide (and sometimes I don't get to decide because he learns it elsewhere) when he's old enough to understand/be taught/experience things and when he's not. Not only that, but am I doing this the right way? Will he remember this in 20 years and need a lifetime of therapy to get over it?!
THESE ARE MY GREATEST FEARS.
There's also the sense of innocence that will slowly fade as he begins to experience things first hand. When I'm not there to protect him or hold his hand through things. I'm not ready for this... but in the same breath I'm excited to see the person be chooses to become.
When I was pregnant with Noah a girlfriend, who has never had children, gave me parenting advice. It was probably some of the best advice I've ever received. She said,
"Teach them to be confident in themselves and their choices. Then teach it to them again and again and again. "
HOW DO I TEACH CONFIDENCE WHEN I'M NOT EVEN CONFIDENT THAT I'M TEACHING HIM CONFIDENCE CORRECTLY? - IS THERE EVEN A RIGHT/WRONG WAY?
(I know, I just blew your mind.)
How do I teach when I don't know the answer? Or how do I explain when things don't pan out the way he/I/we thought it would. What happens when he learns something/does something serious, that Brandon and I do not approve of? I can't just ground him the rest of his life and lock him in his room.
Although, it sounds like a totally logical way to handle things in my worried mom head right now.
I know at this point all I can do is roll with the punches, confide in my husband and work together in raising our boys... Maybe hire a tutor along the way to help with the calculus I definitely don't remember.
And for now, I'll learn to embrace the days where doing our homework (which I'm currently capable of helping with!) in our undies is our biggest problem.
Because sometimes clothes are hard.