Today was a hard day.
Noah and I just couldn't get it right. When this happens, I'm torn up with guilt.
I find myself raising my voice and sending him to his room, only to repeat the cycle in 30 minutes. Its so frustrating, for me AND him.
At the end of the day, another offense. I asked him if he understood what he had done this time to frustrate me.
"No mom. I didn't know that what I was doing was wrong. I was just playing."
IT STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS.
This was the first time he has ever vocalized to me that he didn't understand why I was frustrated. That he was genuinely playing without intent to hurt, bother or break rules.
How many times has this happened before? How many times has this happened and I sent him to time out when he didn't have a clue that he was doing anything wrong?
I wanted to cry.
I just assumed he always knew why. We always talk about being kind and what hurts people's feelings. We always talk about why he is in time out and what we can do the next time a similar situation arises. So, I assumed he just knew that what he was doing wasn't good/kind. But, he didn't. He thought he was just playing and saw no harm in what he was choosing to do.
One thing I'm learning about being a parent is if it doesn't work one way, try it every other way until you've exhausted all possibilities - THEN START OVER AND TRY THEM ALL AGAIN. Eventually something will click. And just because it didn't the first 3 times you tried it, doesn't mean it won't work the 4th time.
Today I learned that my three year old is unaware of his actions/what he is fully capable of. I mean, we all know that a three year old doesn't comprehend actions and consequences. But, for me in a real life setting, I came to the realization of it. And maybe I need to ask the question of "Do you know why mommy is frustrated?" more often, instead of jumping right into disiplining.
Being a parent is hard.
No book on how to do it.
Nobody can honestly tell you if you're doing it right or wrong.
One day you think you're really great at it and then next day, not so much.
In the back of your mind you're always wondering what memories will stick with them and which they'll forget - hoping they only remember all the good parts.
. . . . . . . .
So at the end of the day you call a truce with your little ones.
Tomorrows a new day.